


Tulpa

by troubledsouls



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Eating Disorders, M/M, Self Harm, not happy?, yeah not happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 04:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5771032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubledsouls/pseuds/troubledsouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They sit in the bathroom, staring at the red on their arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tulpa

They sit in the bathroom, staring at the blood running down their arms ~~beautiful, exquisite, a myriad of red over faded scars~~ , a razor clutched in their right hand ~~it flashes in the light, a beautiful metal made for destruction~~. 

They know they can clean up before anyone comes back on the bus ~~the danger of being caught, do they want to be caught?~~ , before anyone knows what they have done. 

Their shirt is off, revealing tattoos ~~they mean nothing to them, nothing~~ , a torso that is thin from malnourishment, and ribs that poke out from their skin ~~incorrect, they're fat fat _fat_~~. 

They hear a door open, and then voices ~~too soon, too soon~~ of friends that are not their own. They jump to their feet ~~they have to clean up, they cannot be found like this~~ and turn on the shower, stripping off their pants and stepping into the spray ~~so cold it almost hurts, it's what they deserve~~. 

One of the friends knocks on the bathroom door. “Ty?” ~~that's not their name, not their nickname~~

They don't reply, just watch the blood be washed off their arms ~~they're still holding the razor, they could take the destruction to the old scars on their stomach~~. 

“Alright.” Footsteps walk away ~~they do not deserve the sympathy~~. 

They turn the water off after a few minutes of freezing ~~it's what they need~~ and only take time to dry off their hair and set down the razor before pulling their clothes back on ~~he hates not being dry~~ and exiting back to the others ~~not their friends, his~~. 

“Ty, you didn't dry off.” There's a strange expression on Josh's face. They don't know what to read it as ~~probably hatred, never concern, not for them~~. 

They look down at their clothes that have wet spots ~~can't even get the motivation to dry themselves off, useless~~ and shrug. 

Mark looks them up and down, a concerned expression on his face ~~why, they don't deserve it~~. “You hungry?”

They almost nod, are actually halfway through the motion, before quickly shaking their head ~~they're fat, they don't need the food~~. 

“Tyler…” Josh sounds like a mother, and they quickly shake their head again ~~tyler is not their name~~. 

“We're concerned about you.”

~~they do not deserve it~~

“You don't eat, you're cutting yourself again, you look like a skeleton, Tyler. And I know you told me that you could deal with it on your own, but…”

~~they do not deserve it~~

“Don't be concerned about me. I can handle it.” Their voice is lower than his, than Tyler's. ~~they are not tyler, not at all~~

“Ah.” Josh's lips press into a thin line ~~angry, all they do is make people angry~~. “I want Tyler, please.”

“What?” Mark looks confused ~~probably hurt, all they do is hurt people~~ , and both Josh and them ignore him. 

“Tyler's back. I'm here. And you're gonna have to deal with me.” They mumble ~~they just want to be accepted, is that too much~~. 

“I don't understand why you're doing this to him, to his body. You're destroying you both.” Josh stands up and walks up to them, movements tense. They flinch ~~going to hurt him, going to make him do things that are hard and then deny food, deny water, deny deny denial~~. 

“I want the destruction.” They ~~it's the truth please accept the truth~~ say. 

Josh's jaw is set in a firm line ~~hurts worse when someone else denies them food~~ and he looks so angry ~~they stopped letting him get the 500 when they realized that less food made them thinner~~ , almost like he'd hit them ~~the denial still hurt, they let him make it once in a while~~. “Why do you want to hurt Tyler?”

 ~~it's the truth accept the truth~~ “I don't.”

“Liar.” 

“It only looks like I'm trying to hurt Tyler.” ~~the same body~~

“Then what are you trying to do?” ~~here it comes, here's the truth~~

“I'm trying to hurt myself.” ~~there it is~~

“Then.” Josh's voice is laced with anger ~~going to hurt them~~ and he speaks slowly. “Why did you tell Tyler all those things?”

 ~~it's hard to explain~~ “I was angry.”

“So?”

They press their hands to their eyes ~~the cuts are bleeding again, it's not pretty anymore when everyone's watching~~ and hold back a sob. “You don't know what it's like.”

“Then explain it to me.” ~~still won't get it~~

“He, Tyler, created me and pushed all his problems onto me.” ~~something’s stuck in their throat~~ “His anxiety, his depression, his self esteem issues, his image issues, everything.” ~~their hands on their eyes stop their tears~~ “What was I supposed to do? I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't know how to get it all out.” ~~it's the truth, it's the _truth_~~

Josh still looks angry ~~going to hurt them, they don't want to get hurt by someone else~~ but it has softened slightly. “You still hurt my best friend.”

“I know.” ~~they hate themself~~

Josh pulls their hands down to reveal eyes shiny from tears ~~they will not cry, they are not weak~~ and pulls them into a hug. 

“I'm still mad at you.” He says. 

Tyler clings tightly to Josh in a hug, and when he speaks, his voice is his own, not theirs, not Blurry’s. “I love you, Josh.”

“Love you too.”


End file.
